Don't Say Goodbye~

hyeee.. what up?? Long time haven't post aite?? hhmmmm.. so many time already passed and i'm already in my last month here. no more 'here' after this. i'll be in my new life. working life to be specific.

i have a bad premonition the past few days.. weeks maybe?? i really don't wanna that to happen. whether it's my fault or vice versa, i still do not know. 

i miss my yeobo.. so bad! i miss doing everything with you. we have been missed each other a lot lately. and you just frequently went out with A instead of with me. (i'm not saying you only need to go out with me.. but.. haaaahhh.. i think you know what i mean) what happen to us??? i thought we should be together forever. we've been drifting apart. do you notice it? or is it just me who realize it??

we don't have much time together anymore. after this, we'll eventually be going seperate ways. are we going to act like we just don't know each other? I DON'T WANT THAT!! T_____T we'd known each other long before i get to know anyone else. we had our ups and downs.. somehow we'd tackle it awesomely together aite?

will you be my friends again? i spoke a lot and somehow, it happen because of the situation and without permission. (somehow .______.)  i've found out that you'd block me on twitter.. haaaahhhh.. how that broke my heart.. T_____T

i want my YEOBO back! befriends with you forever, go travel together, dancing in the rain together, go crazy together, go to DBSK concert together when they BACK AS 5.. and i want you to be in my wedding, singing DBSK - FOREVER LOVE and laughing our ass off because i manage to get married to Yoochun..(buahahahahaha!!!! >__<)

i'm writing this with tears, while listening to Stand By You over and over again because i'm dumb and don't know how to say this to you directly. and how can i let you know about this??

if you ever read this, will you forgive me?? because i knew i had forgiven everything between us. i know i hadn't been a good friend lately and didn't care about you and did not support you.

we ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH right?? :(

more importantly.. we are still best friends.. aren't we??

:: Self-Proclaimed ::

this blog is fill with spider webs .

gimme few moments to clear it up aitee ;

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still not sleeping . i want to watch sunrise today . i really haven't seen it for a very long time as i always woke up way pass the time . and somehow, i feel drifted away from my purpose of life . i became more and more negligent of my goal and what's the most important in my life . i'm homesick . i miss home . i miss mama and ayah . i miss an-chan . i miss nii-chan . i miss my family . i miss my life . when i think back, i always take my family for granted . always thought that mama and ayah will always be there, forever with me . talking back to mama and make her mad and sad . worrying ayah with only doing what i want . and i swear i really regret it and always thinking what if i didn't get the chance to say what i never i got to say ? i'm never the out spoken type . haven't even said "l Love You" face to face before . i wanna go home T___T though i know that i wouldn't said it out loud, but i just wanna go home and hug mama and ayah because with just that, all worries and burden gone in the mid air . what would happen if there's no one waiting for me at home and no more 'warm-tight-hug' for me ? what would home means to me by that time ? what will be the purpose of my life ? 

before that time comes, i will appreciate and treasure them all my life because i won't trade it for the universe . don't give a damn what others think of me because i know that my family knows what i'm doing and they always be there for me . i'm not afraid of choosing the wrong path in my life because i know i always have a home to go back too and family whom will always bring me back to life .
 what's wrong with falling down ? i can always stand up again . i'm still alive aren't i .

 and the most important thing, my family accept me with just the way i am and i don't care about anything else .

:: Save Me ! ! ::

i think there's something wrong with my hormone or something because suddenly i was crazy over something sweet . since when did i love sweets  ? ? ehhhhhhhhh ! ! :o

 let it be candies nor cakes . it's not that i hate them it's just i didn't eat it frequently like some kind of choco lover . only for special event and occasion .

but during this holiday, i eat them all ! ! OMG ! ! let it be cakes which is nii-san's birthday cake, the banana cake, kit kat crunch, m n ms <-- the whole packet ! ! and others which i didn't dare mention :O sweets never once tempt me before but now i'm freaking craving for it *screamss ! !*

was it PMS ? maybe . is it ? it is just around the corner though ~_~ . i really need to stop this and gather back my hormones together . this is not happening and it's not good for me .

 i'm not letting my mouth have it even though it's begging cutely like this, 

NEVER ! ! 

(but who can resist over that ^ right ? :p)

:: OGOOTOO ! ! ::

it's been a week since i went back home for semester break . and seriously, time pass by very fast . mom and dad pick me up and M followed me back . i'm happy because at least i wouldn't be too lonely for at least a week . the entire civilization came to send me away . i was moved ! i love you all so much . and B hadn't talk to me . but i guess she's ok now .

i miss my pumpkin . i miss to be with him like we used too . i know i'm the one who's running away . but it's not really that i'm running away, it's just that . . he's different . of course not in a weird way . i'm too possesive . that's the biggest issue now . i got jealous whenever he's doing something more fun with someone else . or hanging out more with others than with me . don't intepretate it as in like him . like like-him-like-him . because i'm not . i never got jealous of his girlfriend as a prove to my statement before . haiihh . i promise to him that i will accept him as him and won't compare him with H . i'm at fault, i know .

they're so many things that i want to tell him but all i can send to him is (.) as the indicator on days i haven't talk to him . but there's the stupid boundries that i draw my self between us kept us away . the post that i said i'm downgrading him; it's just not true because after all. he is my brother and always will be . there, i said it . maybe i should let him read this because there is no way i'll talk about this matter in this situation . DONDAKEEE ! !    

 

:: expect the unexpected ::

Domo .

i'm going to wrote this before i forgot about it . having some kind of depression atm because it's going to be my killer paper tomorrow . the first paper that i need to re-seat because i failed the paper last term . damn it ! >< i'm worried because i haven't study it at all and i'm freaking hungry since i haven't ate anything at all today . begeoppa T___T and i got no cash in hand and i was wondering whether i've got enough energy left in my bodu to walk to the ATM machine somehere far away in the next kingdom . huaaahahahaha ! thank god i finished today's paper with a bit of relief . haiiihhh . . <--- whininess is a bad habit !

last sunday, he came . here ! yes here ! motives ? to visit us he said . since he's away for a long time already . so, i've got no feelings when he said he wants to come, faraway from feeling excited . i don't know . the feeling is not the same anymore . not because i've found someone else, because look at me right . who wants me ? ? but thing's already change here and he's not listed in the changes . i know i might regret writing this because he'll be hurt if he ever read this but, this is just my honest thoughts . to make it more awkward, Superboy and my yeobbo were not with me . i was texting yeobbo the whole time . updating her with everything because B was making things worst . i don't know what happen to her but suddenly with the mood swing, i'm stucked in the middle . with B won't budge from her touchy feelings and with him keep trying to make conversation like we've been together all along .

OMG  ! i just wanna runaway from there . that's why i text yeobbo and said please take me away . i'm not at B but it's just that, i wish she won't make a fuss like that . after all, it's been a long time since i get the chance to hang out again with him with all of us, like we used too . but, B is much more important to me and how i wish at that time he would leave early . for good . and you don't have to come back again when you already decided long ago that you want to left everything here behind . and my baby was also with me . i was relieved :O

and ohh, i forgot to mention earlier that he was bringing he's beloved girlfriend . OMG ! i just wanna runaway ! i make look normal but my heart was crying inside and i know at the time that this love is over . for good . for myself . well that's what i thought but when it's time to depart, as always, i was looking at his back until i can't see it anymore . it's a bad habit . i almost got to tears but i need to control it because M was there with me . and thank god M was there because if she's not, i may done something stupid like run to him and give him a back-hugged . in front of his GF and more importantly in front of everyone in the mall . that will create a scene for sure . where's B ? she's already wondering around, refuse to see him . i guess he did said something serious because i know B very well . she won't do anything rational if something hasn't happen .

that's how i spent my last sunday . stuck in super awkward moment is seriuosly not intriguing at all . i wanted to runaway and just stay at home . that sure is  much more peaceful .

but one thing for sure, i know i made the right choice . B and M . i can think rationally when i stop loving someone who didn't appreciate me . so easy said,

BYE ! SAYONARA !